you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
BRING THE BAGELS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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