I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she smelled like a LAN party
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
