so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
