I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It was confusing and full of hummus
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
