it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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