Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
