Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
