You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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