ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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