he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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