she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
