I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
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