I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
