I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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