Betty ford says i'm here all night
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
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I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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