Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
