the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
