I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
