Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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