There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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