so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
