I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
