something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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