Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel great
I just peed on a car
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
