did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
