1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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