I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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