so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
