So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
