is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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