Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
