I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
