Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize