She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
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I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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