no you cant smoke seaweed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
