The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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