dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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