Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize