just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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