I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
