Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
