There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You ruined the universe
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
