I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
