are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
