What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
