omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
