4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
