In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
