an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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