Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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