i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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