I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
