Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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