You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
