I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize