So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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