literally had 100 drinks last night.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
