I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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