I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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