i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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