absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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