Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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