I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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