But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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