My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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