you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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