mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
