watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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