My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize