Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
