Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
