So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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