i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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